I had the great pleasure of spending a few days with my beloved daughters this past weekend for the occasion of the eldest's 23rd birthday.
Wow...a daughter turning 23 years old. My age when I met my husband. My age when I was living on my own with a career. My age when I was 135 lbs (below the minimum weight for my height). My age, if I recall correctly, that I first found a gray hair...just as my 23 year old daughter did this weekend.
What does it really mean to have found a gray hair? Not much really. I didn't really need to properly dye my hair until I turned 50. Do I feel 50? Do I feel like someone with a 23-year old daughter (who happens to have one gray hair)? The answer is a resounding, NO.
What is age anyway? My daughters chastise me for not acting my age. How should one exactly act in their 50's? In truth, I feel younger in my 50's than I did in my 40's. In many ways, though I continue to struggle with weight, I'm in better shape. I exercise more rigorously, have become more social and pursue more creative interests than I did a decade ago.
My daughters say my food issues cover deep psychological problems. Maybe they do, but maybe not. I definitely feel happier than I have in many years. Yes, of course I would like to loose the weight! I would definitely feel better to be a normal size. I do want to get there, but it's not easy.
I'm not sure if hiding my gray hair means I'm covering the fact that I'm in my 50's. Am I kidding myself that I feel younger and better now than I did a decade ago? I don't think so. Age is really only a chronological number. Being is a state of mind. I'm going to choose a positive and healthy state of mind (even if it means hiding that gray hair).
